Let’s go back to 8 months ago. I’m walking down the sidewalk inside my apartment complex and I come across a small plastic dinosaur toy on the ground in the dirt. I look around to see if there are any children playing nearby that may have dropped it but no one is around. I brush him off and put him on the bush next to me because a.) maybe someone would come back looking for him and b.) he needed a nice cozy place to sit for the time being.

Every day I walked by the bush and he was still there. A week goes by and I decided to adopt the little guy and name him Ted. I pushed Ted inside the bush a little more to make him more comfortable in his new home, he blended in with the leaves quite nicely. I wouldn’t want any passerby to see him and think twice about kidnapping him, he is mine now, they had their chance.

Ted was a wonderful pet. Every day he would be there to say goodbye to me as I walked passed him to my car for work, and every day he was there to greet me when I came home.  I know, I’m pathetic…..but if you know me I get attached to random things, especially plants, and give it a name because it deserves some sort of identity. So, anyways, for months Ted was happy in his little leafy home, and I was happy to have something to smile at every day, as strange as it was.

One evening, I came home and looked over in his direction to wave hello and noticed the bush had been trimmed back and Ted was not where I had left him. I know it’s just a plastic toy but he was my little buddy and I’ll admit I kind of freaked out.

“TED!? Where are you hiding?!?! This is NOT funny, TED!” I frantically looked all over the ground and in between the leaves but there was no sign of him. A woman walked by me and I had to pull my head out of the bush and pretend I was tying my shoe or else she may have called the cops on me. Which probably didn’t help because I wasn’t wearing shoes with laces. heh *facepalm*

I grabbed my purse off the ground and walked back to the apartment, texting Brian about how devastated I was that someone took my friggin’ dinosaur. He assured me that the gardener probably just moved him and he would help me look for it later. He is awesome and understands my weirdness.

Brian was right, the gardener had left him up on the wall, where I’m sure Ted was scared out of his damned mind because that was really high up for a little dino like him. I grab him and pet his little head and put him back inside his bush.  “DON’T EVER DO THAT AGAIN!”

Except it did happen again, almost 3 more times in the span of the next 5 months. I laugh to myself because I love thinking about the gardener, probably confused and wondering what kind of asshole keeps putting this dinosaur back in the bush every time he cut it. I’ve also noticed with every trim, he places Ted further and further away from the bush.

There was a span of about two weeks where I couldn’t find poor Ted, and I assumed the worst. Maybe the gardener had finally had enough of my shit and took Ted home to burn in his fireplace or give to his slobbery chihuahua. When I finally found him he was about 20 feet away from his little home.

It was then that I decided, after 8 months of living in his bush and dealing with the constant threat of an angry gardener, I would bring him inside my home. He now sits in a small plant atop my bathroom counter. It’s kind of a downgrade from his homey shrubbery, but at least he has a mirror to keep him company. I hope he’s happy.

 

Fun fact: Ted is not the only creature inhabiting my house/work plants. I have quite the collection, and they all have names. I may have a problem.

Here’s a few…..